Pithy Insights from the Best Books on Human Sexuality and Desire

In this essay, I would like share with you the most important takeaways that I have gathered from the best books on human sexuality and desire. Through these Pithy Insights, my intention for you is to develop an understanding of the way human desire and arousal works.

Once we tap on to the fundamentals of human sexuality and understand the dance between the masculine and feminine energies, we get on the path of making our sex lives and eventually our relationships extraordinary and much more fulfilling. When internalized, they will guide you in your quest to become an erotic virtuoso in an easy and effortless way.

Without further ado, here are the insights:

  1. Cultivate a healthy self-image and don’t pay attention to the body types that you see in the media and pornography.
  2. Appreciate the beauty of your body and your genitals. Be grateful for them
  3. Both your sexual anatomy and sexual personality are unique, so there is no point in comparing yourself to others.
  4. It’s perfectly normal if your sexual desire is responsive and spontaneous. There’s nothing wrong with you.
  5. Sex is a drive, not a need!
  6. The human sexual drive is synonymous to driving a car. Be aware of your sexual accelerator and brakes.
  7. If you feel stressed and find it difficult to get in the mood, let the stress cycle get complete. Engage in activities that soothe and relax you.
  8. Pay attention to the context.  If the context it is right, it becomes easier to get aroused.
  9. Don’t let alcohol ruin your sexual experiences.
  10. Make sure that you have consent before engaging in sex with the other person. If the other person is drunk, don’t have sex with him or her.
  11. If you are a parent to an adolescent or teenager, have honest and transparent communication with him/her about sexuality. Make sure you provide both education as well as support to him/her
  12. If you have an LGBTQ son or daughter,  make sure you learn more about the different sexual orientations and work with him or her in gaining clarity. Be willing to offer support and guidance at every step. Being judgemental and not talking about it will do more harm to your children than good.
  13. If you are seeking a mate,  work on enhancing your physical beauty and strength. These efforts will definitely pay off,  as humans are biologically wired to choose mates on these characteristics.
  14. We are not wired for monogamy and there is proof that our ancestors led promiscuous lives. However, if we apply self-control and are able to distinguish clearly between our desire for love bonding and connection and our desire for lust and sex, we will be able to initiate and maintain long-term relationships with commitment and trust.
  15. Sexual exclusivity is not the only right way to have meaningful and fulfilling relationships.  Having an honest and clear communication with your partner about your sexual preferences can be a game changer in designing your ideal romantic and sex life.
  16. We may be tempted to believe that people are more sexually active these days than ever but this is not true.
  17. No matter how free the society claims itself to be,  there are still certain sexual taboos that have not been overcome.
  18. Due to media and peer pressure, we develop a scarcity mindset in terms of our sex lives and apply unnecessary pressure on ourselves.
  19. Don’t make sex an anxiety-inducing experience. Take it easy, relax and have fun.
  20. Enjoy the moments of togetherness with another person and let go of all the fears, judgments and inhibitions.
  21. The communication between a woman’s body and her mind is complicated and not as straightforward as it is for men. Women themselves don’t understand what turns them on and what arouses them.
  22. In long-term relationships and marriages, while men have physical issues, most of the issues of women are psychological
  23. It is important for a man to be patient and relaxed in the bedroom.  There is no need to rush things.
  24. Men and women have completely different paths to arousal. Men get aroused visually, while women get turned on emotionally.  
  25. It is easy for men to get turned on,  but women take some time to get turned on and get going.
  26. The clitoral hood has a sophisticated network for arousal, and clitoris has double the number of nerve endings as compared to the penis. To become a better lover, you need to learn how to stimulate clitoris in the proper way to be able to induce pleasure in your partner.
  27. As a man, the most important skill that you can learn in the bedroom is the art of cunnilingus.  Women find it easier to reach an orgasm through oral sex as compared to sexual intercourse.
  28. The Kama Sutra explains that seeking and enjoying sensory pleasures such as sex is natural and necessary.
  29. It is important to cultivate self-control so that we can enjoy the pleasures in moderation.
  30. For a superior man, sex is not about seeking fulfillment,  rather it is an act of giving.
  31. Instead of focusing on ‘me’, focus on ‘us’. Enjoy the juiciness of the union.
  32. A great sexual experience is all about being aligned with your partner’s breaths, movements, and sounds.
  33. Instead of giving in to the ephemeral spike of orgasmic pleasure,  delay climaxing and let your woman experience multiple orgasms first.
  34. For a superior man or woman,  sex is a golden opportunity to express your core essence and your inner genius.
  35. Arousal is an altered state of consciousness and reaching it may take some time. So it is wise to learn to be patient as well as learn techniques and strategies that can help deepen the arousal experience for both you and your partner.
  36. Make time for you and your partner to explore each other’s bodies and know your hotspots and what turns you on.
  37. Carve out a time free of any distractions when both you and your partner can engage in sex without any worries or haste.
  38. Choose a comfortable, safe and relaxing place so that it is easy to get in the state of arousal.
  39. Be busy and create spaces in your schedule when you’re away from your partner. This physical distance is important to cultivate a sense of mystery along with a sense of familiarity.
  40. Don’t take sex seriously and think of it as a play where you get to experience the naughtiness, curiosity and a sense of wonder in you.
  41. Leave the stress of your day and your life outside the bedroom and enter the sphere of excitement, ecstasy, and exploration free of any judgments and anxieties.
  42. To become an advanced lover, it is important to study and implement the four corner stores of eroticism: longing and anticipation, breaking rules, seeking power and overcoming confusion.
  43. Never underestimate the power of emotions in sexual arousal. Once we become aware of what kind of emotions we need to focus on; we can harness the power of those emotions and channel them towards maximizing pleasure and arousal.
  44. If we choose, we can have multiple lovers, but the foundation of this approach has to be trust and honesty. To become an ‘ethical slut’, we need to behave in such a way that your actions don’t cause anyone harm.
  45. Internet porn addiction turns on the reward circuitry designed around genuine and intimate connection. The brain gets tricked by the visual stimulation that the websites offer and gets fulfilled by it. Due to this, the naive addict doesn’t crave for social contact anymore affecting his/her social and sexual lives.
  46. Porn addiction can lead to mental and physical disorders such as erectile dysfunction, diminished libido with real-world partners, inability to reach orgasm, depression, anxiety especially in social situations, memory loss, as well as lack of concentration and self-control.
  47. An effective strategy to get rid of porn addiction is to stop watching porn cold turkey. Various online support groups, as well as the NoFap forums and community, are excellent sources of guidance and direction in this journey.
  48. In a sex-starved marriage, typically one person has low desire, while the other one wants more physical connection. If this desire gap is not bridged, then it can have negative consequences on the marriage.
  49. Most of us think that arousal comes after the sexual urge, but for half of the population, it works the other way around. They have to be sexually aroused before they become aware of the desire within them.
  50. Figure out your partner’s love language to better understand his/her needs.
  51. Conventional sex is more goal oriented and women generally don’t get much time to get their bodies ready to reach the states of arousal that they deeply desire. On the other hand,  tantra sex is all about enjoying the journey, going with the flow and letting a woman’s body open naturally for sex.
  52. Breasts can act as the gateways for the flow of sexual energy.
  53. Sex should not be a mechanical process just to get a release but rather it should be about healing and cleansing your body.
  54. When the sex gets better, it becomes easier to resolve any pressing issues and the communication improves between partners. As the communication gets better, it starts a positive feedback loop and the sex becomes even better.
  55. Sometimes, an effective solution to jumpstart a relationship is to learn the most important skills that you need in the bedroom.
  56. There is nothing dirty about sex. In fact, it’s the most beautiful act we humans can experience. It’s your societal conditioning and faulty belief system that makes you feel bad and guilty about sex, but with time and an open mind, this can be changed.
  57. If you feel things are getting out of your control, it’s worth experimenting with a sex detox plan. The period of abstinence will help you in eliminating behaviors and thought patterns that are not serving you and recalibrating you to your true instincts.
  58. Don’t let your sex life become boring and monotonous. Instead, make your sexual experiences unpredictable and adventurous, and a rollercoaster of emotions. This will heighten the arousal and make your journey much more fun. A little creativity and planning will go a long way.
  59. Stay away from the three anti-seductive characteristics: Lack of generosity, lack of humor, and lack of attention.
  60. The secret to an extraordinary romantic relationship and a healthy sex life is to understand the truth that seduction never ends.

If you enjoyed reading this essay, you’ll love this book:

Meditations for the Learning Mind: Sex – 21 Daily Meditations Inspired by the Best Books on Human Sexuality and Desire


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